I was ignoring the pain. Have you ever done that - held on to the pain - shoving 'it' down your internal black vortex? In your sacred gut? Out of your heart or mind, so you didn't have to FEEL the ache?
I experienced this avoidance recently with a soul-matched-friend. That one in a million-solid-type friend. She moved through her life with fire! A total supportive, self-discovering, creative and generous friend. #TotalTribe. We laughed. We cried. We were. And then we were drifting apart. There was no single reason for the happening, but there were some tender rifts that arose and some differences in opinions. It was just happening. Her life and my life, colliding in the heaviest way. And it was painful.
Once there was space between us and the awkwardness became too much, we hand an opportunity to talk about where we both stood in the misunderstanding. I was open. I listened. I shared. I took responsibility for where I could have handled things differently and more supportively. I learned how what I needed to do to fully rise myself so how I could allow her to fully rise. 'Cause it's ALL about the rise!
One evening, I meditated on the feeling and got that divine wink that I was avoiding the pain. So I decided to do the opposite and embraced the hurt. I created a tender space for the pain and didn't resist it. Didn't try to recount the why's or the how's - I just let the pain exist in my everywhere in my body. Entirely.
As soon as I embraced the ache, I felt expansion. I could breathe easier. There was more room in my heart and mind. It was as things should be. No push, pull or hanging on. Just being, in my pain. Fully.
And as the fullness swallowed my being, I let go.
Fully. Gently. Tenderly. Softly. Patiently. Kindly. Mmmmm - that's better.
My head bowed + my heart raised to the pain that leads to love.