Turned Two In A Flash

I've always heard parents say phrases like, "time flies", "I wish I could make time stop", or "slow the clock down". I understand what they mean. As a parent I understand that the cherished moments we have with our minis is fleeting. Time marches on. The desire to hold on to every precious moment comes from a loving place, but I feel so fulfilled in the quality time that my son and I do have the opportunity to share that I don't feel the need to hold on to much - rather set it all free!  As a parent, I want to give my son wings and roots! My experience as a mother is full. I don't want to make time stop and I don't want the clock to slow down. I want time to move in it's natural rhythm. When I am with my son, I AM WITH HIM. Like, WITH. HIM. Calls are missed, texts aren't answered and social media gets less attention. Being consumed with his world offers me complete emersion into authentic connections with him - total quality time. Our days are filled with new, old, curiosity, laughter, emotions, exploration and connection. 

They days I do get to spend with him are lived in the moment. It offers me a golden opportunity to remain present and witness ALL of his growth, allowing me to thoroughly experience mothering him - unrushed. Slowing time down would not be in alignment with his growth. I want his wings to keep spreading. I want his growth and curiosity to blend into the rare beautiful moments we have together. My witnessing his formation is the gift of motherhood. His roots will ground him for moments of stillness when he is ready to slow. Until then Caleb, onward. As I continue to witness.

Happiest of Birthdays Caleb!

#RootsAndWings #RaisingCaleb #TurnedTwoInAFlash ⚡️

Hanging on

I was ignoring the pain. Have you ever done that - held on to the pain - shoving 'it' down your internal black vortex? In your sacred gut? Out of your heart or mind, so you didn't have to FEEL the ache?

I experienced this avoidance recently with a soul-matched-friend. That one in a million-solid-type friend. She moved through her life with fire! A total supportive, self-discovering, creative and generous friend. #TotalTribe. We laughed. We cried. We were. And then we were drifting apart. There was no single reason for the happening, but there were some tender rifts that arose and some differences in opinions. It was just happening.  Her life and my life, colliding in the heaviest way.  And it was painful. 

Once there was space between us and the awkwardness became too much, we hand an opportunity to talk about where we both stood in the misunderstanding. I was open. I listened. I shared. I took responsibility for where I could have handled things differently and more supportively. I learned how what I needed to do to fully rise myself so how I could allow her to fully rise. 'Cause it's ALL about the rise!

One evening, I meditated on the feeling and got that divine wink that I was avoiding the pain. So I decided to do the opposite and embraced the hurt. I created a tender space for the pain and didn't resist it. Didn't try to recount the why's or the how's - I just let the pain exist in my everywhere in my body. Entirely. 

As soon as I embraced the ache, I felt expansion. I could breathe easier. There was more room in my heart and mind. It was as things should be. No push, pull or hanging on. Just being, in my pain. Fully.

And as the fullness swallowed my being, I let go.

Fully. Gently. Tenderly. Softly. Patiently. Kindly. Mmmmm - that's better.

My head bowed + my heart raised to the pain that leads to love.

Let It Reign

LACMA's Random International’s Rain Room (2012) is an immersive environment of perpetually falling water that pauses wherever a human body is detected. The installation offers visitors an opportunity to experience what is seemingly impossible: the ability to control rain. Rain Room presents a respite from everyday life and an opportunity for sensory reflection within a responsive relationship.

Founded in 2005, Random International is a collaborative studio for experimental practice. They use science and technology to create experiences that aim to question and challenge the human experience within a machine-led world, engaging viewers through explorations of behavior and natural phenomena. In the decade following the studio's inception, the focus of Random International’s artistic practice has continuously evolved and today encompasses sculpture, performance, and installation on an architectural scale.